I found out I was pregnant at 18 on the day of my graduation. I'm the youngest daughter in a family of nine. Although my dad loved us equally, it must've been hard to give us all the attention we craved from him simultaneously. This grew a desire in me to be seen at a young age.
I had an older sister who got pregnant out of wedlock. Yes, my parents loved and supported her, but they were disappointed. It was an unspoken thing for us to not end up like her. In 2016, my dad passed away, leaving a huge void where his love and protection lived in our lives. He was our protector; he was the one who made all the rules and kept things in order.
I grew up in a very Christian home, so I knew God, but I didn't understand his ability to fill painfully big voids. I was introduced to a lifestyle of partying and drinking through some friends I met at my job. I made a habit of surrounding myself with people who didn't understand how deeply I was grieving.
At the time, my mother kept herself busy with her grief and caring for our youngest sibling, and it left me with a lot of freedom to do what I wanted. And the sudden attention I received from guys made me feel seen; I felt important and pretty. Growing up, I was sheltered and homeschooled. I only had a few social interactions, so I was trying to navigate this new attention I had never experienced before– not even when my dad was alive.
I was so ashamed and afraid when I found out I was pregnant. I was constantly wondering what people were going to think of me. I didn't have huge ambitions then, but I felt that I couldn't have any future plans even if I wanted to. I felt my life was over, and my self-worth, which I didn't think could get any lower, plummeted.
When I told my mother I was pregnant, she happened to be volunteering at Embrace Grace, and it was such a God thing that she was! She completely took me by surprise with her response. Although I could tell she was a little disappointed, she told me that babies were a blessing and that I should go to Embrace Grace and get the help I needed. God did miracles in that semester and brought people into my life who, to this day, still encourage me and and cheer me on as a mom.
One of the moments in Embrace Grace that changed my life and how I think of how God sees me was the baby shower. They lead you down this hallway before serving you a nice dinner, and several strangers line up there. People I had never met–people who knew nothing about my story were holding signs up that said worthy, loved, cherished, forgiven, precious, BRAVE. These were words I would never dream of using to describe myself. But God took these strangers and used their hearts and efforts through Embrace Grace to show me that I wasn't worthless and that I was, in fact, the opposite. They reminded me that I was brave.
This memory still brings me to tears, knowing how good God's grace is and how, if I hadn't chosen life, my sweet daughter wouldn't have been the very thing that turned me back to God. Having her put me on a better life track. From the day I found out that I was pregnant to now, I have never once had to go through anything alone.
Here is a part of my testimony that I don't share often: I was dating but not really dating this guy at the time of my pregnancy. I remember wanting to be with this guy and wanting so badly for him to give me the love I craved. There was a night when I got drunk and hooked up with another guy. I took a Plan B after that happened, not knowing it was already too late (Thank God it didn't affect my baby, I had no idea!).
When I told the guy I was dating at the time that I was pregnant, he made it very clear that he wanted to "take care of it," which meant getting an abortion. He made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with my baby. I ended up finding out that he actually wasn't the father, and I had to tell an almost complete stranger that he was the father of my one-year-old baby.
I didn't tell many people about this, but there was one Embrace Grace leader who knew every dirty detail of my story that I was too embarrassed to share. Despite all my mess, she still prayed for and encouraged me. She told me that whether or not Taytum's biological father wanted to be in her life didn't matter because God was going to fill that role in her life.
I'm sharing this because it's a beautiful testament to how Embrace Grace doesn't care about whether your story is good or bad. It doesn't matter to them what you did or didn't do; they are willing to help and be a light in your life. They are perfect strangers who will look at you and say, "She is worth being helped; she is worth my time." Not once did I ever feel like a lost cause.
God redeemed my story tenfold, and I will forever be grateful for His mercy and all the people I've met on this journey. I'm so thankful to Embrace Grace for loving young single moms and caring for them the way God does.
Find a place of belonging in a support group for moms with unexpected pregnancies or single, young moms and dads.
