Growing up, I was a very independent kid. I did everything on my own from an early age, and I've always been quirky, outspoken, and open with who I am. I've never hidden anything about myself. My path to drug and alcohol dependency started with little things and then progressed over the years. I was a rebellious teenager, and at 18, I moved out of my family's home. The combination of not having my family around me and the wrong group of friends made me feel like I didn't have anyone. I resented the world and thought nobody wanted or cared about me, so why change? Looking for love in all the wrong places, I moved from boyfriend to boyfriend. I was happiest when I was dating someone or high. Some nights, I would lay there thinking my heart would explode, and I still didn't care. I often woke up and thought I couldn't believe I was still alive. It was the darkest period of my life. Then I found out I was pregnant.
I couldn't believe a human was growing inside me, a real baby! I felt so hopeless. I was nothing more than a drug addict. I was living out of my old car that barely worked. I kept thinking this baby didn't deserve me as a mom, and there was no way I could be what they needed. I knew there was no way I would be able to provide for this baby myself. So I nervously called my mom and said it was time to come home. I thought when my parents looked at me, all they would see was a drug addict. But when I came home, my mom told me how she had prayed for me daily. She prayed that God would bring her daughter back, get her off the drugs, get her off the streets, and bring her home.
My mom is the one who suggested I go to Embrace Grace at our church. At the time, I thought the church was where you went to be judged by everyone. I was scared to go because I didn't want them to think I was an awful person or that I shouldn't have this baby. I didn't feel loveable. I didn't know anyone could love me. I didn't feel like anybody could be proud of me or want to help me. But I took a chance. When I walked into Embrace Grace, I saw a different kind of love than I had ever experienced. The leaders immediately said, "We love you and your baby." They would tell me, "You're a wonderful mama already. You're so brave for being here. You are this baby's mother, and he is so loved already." It's been the most incredible experience. It changed me. I felt like I could do this! I could be the mom he deserves.
I had the same amazing experience with Embrace Life. It's like having a whole village behind you! My biggest takeaway during my Embrace Life experience is that giving myself grace is okay when learning new things. I'm accepting that I'm not the only one out here trying to figure things out, and there are people in our lives who are here to help me– I just need to reach out to them. I now have the support of my Embrace Life community, and I don't have to depend on myself anymore. Embrace Life has also helped me deepen my relationship with God. When I'm feeling anxious or stressed, I've learned to give all my worries to Him instead of letting it weigh me down. I'm no longer letting life keep me depressed and overwhelmed. I find my relief in talking to Jesus!
My son Easton is the love of my life. I can't imagine him not being here. Because of him, everything got better. I would never go back to what I was before. My baby was unplanned by me but planned by God. He knew my child would save my life and restore my family.
Find a place of belonging in a support group for moms with unexpected pregnancies or single, young moms and dads.
